GLTT16

Hey there stranger, Your hands look a lot like the imprints on my hips, and I was just wondering if you remembered me, Cream less coffee eyes and arms to small for all the things she carries. I sleep in the tiny tear in your leather wallet, the one that you always stuff in your back pocket. My brain waves spell out disaster like yours, I am the top and you are the bottom, we're all kinds of unevenly distributed. Hey there stranger, Your voice lingers in between my collar bones, whispered wispy words that sound like this 'I love you so, but you love me not- Not I love you so, but, Not- but, I love you so. So I love you, but, not-' U

We were so close. I could hear it in your voice, the way your voice shook like you were holding back. We've been through this before but it still feels brand new. Here in this small space we make around us I can hear you breathing and I can almost taste it, how close I am to all the things that you keep under lock and key but still somehow find themselves curled up next to you while you sleep. You're raspy voice in this tiny room filled with our past, I'm so close sweetheart, I can see it, I can see you, the tiredness around your eyes, the regret in the way your shoulders droop, I'm so close to you right here in this moment. And then I hear t

Don't wrap me in your arms like I'm something precious, we both know I'm not what you need. [ All wrong. All wrong. All wrong. His arms were all wrong and he was soft where he is hard, but those eyes give me grace and that's the last time I'll see them seablueempty because he is sinking fast, and no matter how much you brace yourself, you can't hold your breathe all the way down. I know, my body is at the bottom of the ocean, a fish's playground, my skin discolored and pieces peeling away like glue that dries on your fingertips. His skin is lifting, and I see the water trying to escape from the edges of his cracking smile, those kinds of eye

We're too loud for this empty room, we're supposed to be exchanging small smiles and fragile phrases and it's evident by the way your smiling at me like I've finally gotten it right by keeping my mouth shut but I can't stay silent for much longer, and you know it but you keep on smiling at me like I've forgotten your heartbroken voice at 3:00a.m, like I haven't picked you up from the bottom of a bottle a thousand times because of a girl you said was 'the one', because of a girl who was damaged, because of a girl, because of a girl, For your birthday dear, I'm going to buy you a thesaurus so you can lie to yourself more convincingly because c

I still have your smirk tucked in my back pocket, the pink of your tongue and how it felt against mine in the wasteland of my desires, I hold the weight of your words against the flesh of my chest, feel the weight of your body against mine, taste the way my body trembled and whimpered for your own to be closer, to meld with mine in the dark of that stolen moment on a night that was not ours. I more than love you, more than need you, it's just something about the way we talk.

 My nightmares are made up of all the things little girls dream of, because honestly, I was never a little girl. [Although I am pretty little, and most of the time a girl]. Choppy cut out magazine pictures of lush white gossamer wedding dresses on to thin woman, their skin golden, their smile radiant, tucked away in between the pages of pink princess journal, hours of day dreaming about that white house with my just the right amount of sarcastic children, with my just the right size dog, and your just the right sized pay check. I was too jaded for these things, even as a little girl. Now the things that I work so hard to outrun, to overcome,

I wish he'd stop trying to play God. People spend so much time on trying to create things that keep us happy, keep us blind because happiness is wanting what you have, satisfaction is getting what you want, and I wish he'd stop thinking he has a choice, because no one really ever does. You have to do the best with the cards you are dealt, learn how to deal with who and what you are, and embrace what ever that is. [and don't you know by now that dim streetlights will never equate to stars, and finding x doesn't explain y {why}. Our hearts are not practical, until made unbreakable and you are shattered, shards of pieces still all over the floo

Everything seems so easy for everyone else,getting up in the morning is a task for me. And it seems like everyone is so fucking happy walking around wearing their smiles like shiny new accessories. Everyone seems to breathe so much  easier. I fight with my sheets every morning, they tangle my limbs in their grip and hold me hostage, my head still full of sleep and dreams still on my fingertips, my mouth dry and stale because I could almost taste it, perfection was on the tip of my tongue but the world decided it wanted me back, and this choice it makes, it makes without me, and I'm forced to wake once more. A growl rumbles low in my

So I'll take your words and carry them in the cracks of my bones, and maybe I'll bend until I break but right now I feel you against my fingertips, were so close to kissing but we're not, your searching my eyes, and we're breathing each other in, And the world is spinning and we're sprawled out on the cold grass, inhaling and exhaling each other out lips numb from each other and the cold You'll be the death of me, I know this is what the end must feel like, My heart is bound to beat out of its cage, snapping bones and tearing its way out of my paper thin skin, And I can't ask you to do for me, what you won't even do for yourself, But

i. You're setting off the signals in my head, ripping apart my ears so I can't hear the screams They can't hurt me anymore They can't hurt me anymore [But god do they haunt me] ii. I remember it all too clearly. I know what it feels like when you just can't stop, when it all comes pouring out from your veins, your heart in your stomach, yet your still so hungry, still so empty. Sweetheart I don't kiss and tell, and I'll keep answering the phone at 4:00 am because everyone feels like that sometimes, you just have to wait it out. And if my breath on the other end of the line convinces you that someone cares then I'll always answer, because